Forbidden (Perfect for them Book 1) Page 5

  That’s when the nervous energy that was keeping me up, finally leaves me, making me feel totally drained.

  I lie down on my bed and close my eyes. Now that I know that she’s safely home, I can sleep.

  Chase

  I WAKE UP LATE, MY sleep was marred by nightmares about Kaya not getting out of that Porsche but wrapping her arms around her date’s neck and—

  Yeah, you get the gist. My subconscious obviously loves to torment me and I know exactly what it’s trying to tell me. That last night’s date might not have ended the way I dreaded, but that it’s only a matter of time.

  That even if Kaya didn’t go out with that guy anymore, there will be others. And I know that it’s inevitable that sooner or later, she’ll find someone she likes enough to— Fuck, I have to stop thinking this shit. It isn’t healthy and it’s driving me fucking crazy. I have to stop thinking about her with other guys, dreading the moment that she’ll get a boyfriend.

  I mean, I don’t know much about Kaya’s dating life.

  I only know what I gather from her social media that I constantly stalk like a creep. We’re Facebook friends only because our parents have decided to be modern and use Facebook to get ahold of us.

  We even have a ‘family’ chat on messenger, I think shaking my head.

  So I know that she had a date for her senior Prom and God knows I barely kept myself in check from flying all the way to the East Coast and beating the motherfucker to a bloody pulp.

  I sigh, telling myself to stop being stupid, to quit torturing myself with thoughts of Kaya’s love life. That the fact that from her social media it doesn’t look like she has someone, doesn’t mean that it’s true. I for myself don’t put everything I do on Facebook, certainly none of my many hookups.

  And before you think that I’m a piece of shit for having a double standard, for feeling entitled to have hookups while I almost blow a gasket at just the thought of Kaya kissing another guy ... Yeah, ok, fuck it, I admit it. I am a piece of shit. And it’s not just because of the double standard, because trust me, if someone treated Kaya the way I treat my hookups, as a means to an end, as mere attempts to make me forget about the only girl I want and can’t have ... well I’d fucking kill any guy who didn’t treat her right. So I surely am a fucking hypocrite.

  I get up and step straight into the shower, aware that the house is quiet, so everyone else must be still asleep.

  I try to relax under the jet, letting the warm water massage my tense skin but as I close my eyes, leaning my head against the ceramic tiles of the shower wall, all I can see is her, in that demure and yet sexy blue dress that she was wearing last night.

  And like every time my mind goes to her, my dick takes notice of it, hardening painfully and leaving me no other choice than trying to find relief by taking matters into my own hands.

  Only, it’s not my hand that I imagine wrapped around my stiff length, stroking up and down my shaft.

  Every time I’ve jerked off ever since that summer of three years ago, I’ve imagined her hand or her lips doing the job my fist is doing.

  I come with a strangled noise, the relief I feel is only temporary and only physical because my heart hurts more and more every day.

  At least this doesn’t make me feel guilty like when I hooked up with some random girls, imagining it was her the whole time.

  My friends probably think that I’m a shallow asshole who doesn’t do relationships and has a flavor of the night, since they’ve seen me going from one girl to the other the whole time we’ve been in college.

  I think that my brother suspects the truth and I bet everything on the fact that he’s doing the same thing I am.

  I see it in his eyes, I see the same haunted sadness that I see in mine. Reid hides it behind a fake indifference to the world, while I behave like a brooding asshole most of the time.

  We don’t speak about Kaya, it’s like a silent agreement between us because the only silver lining in this shitty situation is that neither of us can have her, so there’s no need to fight about her.

  By the time I get dressed and walk down the huge marble staircase, the smell of bacon is wafting through from the kitchen.

  I think it can only be one of the girls that decided to cook breakfast, since none of the guys is domesticated enough. I know my brother and my two friends well enough that I’m sure they’d be more likely to drive to get fast food rather than handle a frying pan.

  So I brace myself for the possibility that Kaya might be in the kitchen but nothing could prepare me for the scene of fucking domestic bliss that looks straight out of a goddam 50s TV show.

  Kaya places a plate with a English breakfast muffin in front of Bryce who stuffs his face with the last bite of another breakfast sandwich and beams at her.

  She then turns to Parker and asks him if he’d like one more sandwich.

  And the motherfucker, always as smooth and as polite as if he were having breakfast with the Queen of England, nods and says:

  “I’d love another one, if it isn’t too much trouble. You’ve been cooking for us but I haven’t seen you sit down and eat anything yet.”

  My stepsister smiles at him and shrugs, scrunching her nose in that cute way of hers.

  “It’s totally fine. I have just enough stuff ready for two sandwiches, so they’ll be done at the same time.”

  I step further into the kitchen and the happy trio turns to look at me.

  My two friends look way too satisfied with themselves for my liking and I can’t bite back the words on the tip of my tongue.

  “Bryce,” I scowl, “please tell me that you didn’t talk Kaya into making you breakfast?”

  I know him way too well, the asshole is such a smooth talker, he could convince anyone to do anything.

  He wants to be a lawyer but I think he’s definitely missed his calling as a car salesman or realtor, his persuasion powers are uncanny.

  At least he has the decency to feel embarrassed at being caught red handed and he blushes, his green eyes fixed on the table.

  “Well, I—”

  “I offered. When the guys walked into the kitchen, I had already started cooking the bacon. It didn’t cost me anything to make a few extra sandwiches.”

  I take in her cutoff jeans and the strawberry red tank top, and the matching nail polish on her toes as she takes a step closer to me, barefooted and with a spatula still in her hand.

  “That’s not the point, Kaya.” Her name rolls so easily on my tongue and my tone is a little harsher than intended. “This isn’t a fucking B&B and the guys shouldn’t expect to be waited on.”

  My statement rubs her the wrong way and she bites out an annoyed, “Noted. I was going to offer you some breakfast too but I wouldn’t dare offend you by waiting on you.”

  I shake my head and walk to grab some cereal and milk from the fridge.

  I fix myself a bowl and sit at the table shooting an annoyed look at my two best friends in the world.

  I knew that inviting them wasn’t a good idea, that they would be all over Kaya.

  I’m jealous as hell and fucking confused by the clusterfuck of feelings that are warring in my chest.

  A part of me wants to grab both my friends and kick their asses: I already told them that Kaya was off-limits.

  Another part of me though tells me to calm the fuck down and think. I know I can never have Kaya and I’m not stupid enough to think that a pretty girl like her will be alone forever. If anyone had to have her, wouldn’t it be better for it to be a guy I actually trust?

  I shake my head, however I look at the situation, my heart is already broken, at least I can try to protect Kaya’s.

  So I decide to wait and see how things go and make sure that if she likes one of my buddies, the chosen guy knows that if he makes Kaya shed even one single tear, I’ll cut his balls off.

  I’m lost in my own world, so I barely notice that Parker loaded the dishwasher while Bryce washed the frying pan and the griddle while Kaya was
eating.

  “All right then. It’s time to go get the keg and the rest of the booze for tonight’s party. Wanna help?” Parker asks Kaya with a wink.

  “Sure. I have nothing better to do until it’s time to get ready for the party and Nic looked dead. She’ll probably sleep until mid-afternoon, since she isn’t working today.”

  I narrow my eyes and the words escape my mouth before I realize how dickish I really sound.

  “Oh right? And who’s invited you to the party, huh? This is not a kids party, sis.”

  I can see the hurt in her gaze and a part of me wants to sink down on my knees, hug her waist and beg for her forgiveness for being the worst asshole in the world.

  But where would that put us? I can’t be her friend like she wants, it hurts too much. And that’s the only reason why I’m still pissed off at how cozy my friends are getting with her.

  Maybe it’s stupid to even think that I could handle one of them dating her, because that would mean that she’d always be around. Could I be even remotely ok with that?

  Bryce immediately comes to Kaya’s defense.

  Thank you dude, for making me look like even more of an asshole to score brownie points with my sister.

  “Hey Chase, calm the fuck down, ok? I invited her to the party. And it isn’t like we require invitations to these parties anyway, right? People just show up.”

  I mumble something about feeling responsible with our parents in case Kaya gets up to no good and obviously that pisses her off even more.

  “I’m not a twelve year old, Chase! I’m eighteen and I can take care of myself. You don’t have to worry about me, just leave me the fuck alone, all right? You better not think that you’re going to get in my way and be this insufferable all year at Bridgeport, because—”

  I interrupt her, hoping that I misheard what she just said.

  “Bridgeport? Are you not going to college somewhere on the East Coast?”

  She folds her arms against her chest in a protective stance, as if she knows that I won’t like her answer.

  “They have one of the best modern languages and journalism programs in the country. So it was a no brainer.”

  I walk away before I say or do something I’ll regret. I thought that if I managed to survive the summer, then I wouldn’t have to see Kaya hopefully for at least another year. But now that I know that she’ll be on my same campus, how will I cope with the possibility of seeing her in random places? It looks like my life just got a lot harder.

  6.

  Party

  Kaya

  I SPEND A FUN AFTERNOON getting party supplies with Bryce and Parker.

  My stepbrothers’ besties seem way friendlier and definitely kinder than Chase and Reid. They don’t treat me like a nuisance that they have to tolerate for our parents’ sake and they’re pretty funny.

  I especially enjoy the relaxed banter between them and the way they try to involve me in their conversations, making me feel a part of the group.

  Bryce is easy going and puts me at ease, I see a warmth in his green eyes that tells me that he isn’t being nice just because he feels obligated to but that he’s really interested in getting to know me.

  Parker is quieter and more composed but I like his smile and the fact that it always reaches his silver eyes. He’s also a real gentleman, opening doors for me and asking me if there’s anything I prefer to drink.

  With them I forget my disastrous date with Marc last night and the anxiety I feel at seeing him again tonight. And for once I don’t worry about fending off Chase’s angry remarks and I don’t feel the weight of Reid’s gaze on me.

  On the way back home, Parker insists on letting me ride shotgun and the guys ask me about my college plans.

  I love the way they don’t sound patronizing but they seem genuinely interested in what I want to study.

  “Modern languages and journalism? So there’s definitely a lot more to you than just being the prettiest girl I’ve seen in a long time ...”

  I blush at Bryce’s remark but Parker’s chuckle puts me immediately at ease.

  “Come on dude, don’t embarrass Kaya. She doesn’t know what a huge flirt you are,” and then he winks at me, making me blush even harder “Not that Bryce is wrong about you being pretty. But I bet your boyfriend wouldn’t like two other guys calling you pretty.”

  I set them straight about Marc and explain that we were friends last summer and that we stayed in touch during the winter.

  “Last night was our first date.”

  “And?”

  Bryce asks with interest sparkling in his eyes as he briefly averts his gaze from the road to look at me.

  “Dude, stop being so nosey! I swear to God, Bryce is the worst gossip ever.”

  I giggle at Bryce’s wounded expression and explain that I’m not sure how I feel about Marc. That I like him as a friend but I don’t know if I really want more.

  Parker’s voice lowers when he speaks next and as I turn to look at him, I see a dark shadow obscuring his grey eyes.

  “Well, that’s what dating is all about, right? Getting to know the other person. I can only give you one top tip, if you realize that you don’t want more than a friendship, tell him immediately. Nothing good ever comes from not being upfront.”

  The tone of his voice makes me think that he knows what he’s talking about and a part of me would like to ask him about it but I think better of it.

  I like the easy friendliness the guys are offering me and I don’t want to say or do anything to ruin that. Especially seeing how I’m not Chase and Reid’s favorite person.

  And talking about Chase and Reid, I’m relieved not to see them around the house when we get back and I tell the guys that I’ll see them later at the party.

  When I enter my room, I find Nic still face down on the pillow but my bestie is no longer asleep because as soon as I step closer to my bed, she groans.

  “Where the fuck have you been? You left your phone behind and Marc keeps texting you. He’s convinced that you aren’t talking to him for some reason.”

  I sigh and check the messages: it started with him asking me if he needed to bring anything for the party and he started freaking out when I didn’t reply to his first message.

  I reassure him that the only thing required is his presence and explain that I went out on an errand and forgot my phone at home.

  Marc: Then who was reading the texts? If I bother you, you can say so.

  I narrow my eyes at Nic.

  “See what you’ve done? If you want to read my texts, next time at least reply and make yourself useful.”

  She offers me a shit eating grin.

  “Yeah, no thanks. First of all Marc woke me up with his incessant texting, plus you know how I feel about your shyness. You’re eighteen, babe. You have a fit, hot guy literally crazy about you, so you should crank up the heat. If I’d texted him back, he’d be here with a box of condoms.”

  I lower myself onto the bed next to her and send Marc an apology text, reassuring him that I didn’t mean to ignore him.

  Then I look at Nic in mock exasperation.

  “Ok, then you’re banned from ever touching my phone again. First of all, get over yourself, it’s almost five pm, you’ve slept all day. Secondly, even if I decided to date Marc, I’m definitely not ready to have sex. I want my first time to be special. I want to feel something for the guy I choose to take that step with. So I would never do it when I’m not sure how I feel about him. And definitely not so soon. We’ve barely even kissed.”

  Nic shakes her head and opens her mouth to retort but I stop her in her tracks. I’m pretty sure I know what she’s going to say.

  “Look I know, all right? I know I have to quit pining for my step brothers and dreaming about a mysterious guy that I’ll never see again. And it’s not like I’ve been living like a nun, ok?”

  Nic won’t have any of it and argues back.

  “Yeah but you’ve never really gone farther than a kiss.”


  “Because none of the guys I kissed ever made me feel like that night. And before you say anything, I have kissed quite a few guys since that party. It isn’t my fault if none of them was even remotely comparable to my mystery guy.”

  Nic rolls her eyes and points a finger at me.

  “Look Kaya, I just want you to be happy. And as your best friend, I need to tell you that you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re comparing each guy you kiss to some unattainable, mythical guy who by the way, didn’t have the nerve to show you his face. And the whole thing with the twins? I don’t wanna sound like a bitch but don’t you think that your ‘crush’ on them has gone on long enough? You crush on them because you know full well that they’re forbidden and you can’t have them. So again, unattainable. Isn’t it possible that you’re using them as an excuse not to have to get close to anyone else? To someone who wants you, who could offer you a real relationship? Like Marc?”

  I don’t look at her, tormenting my bottom lip with my teeth as I consider what she just said.

  “Maybe,” I admit. “I’d be lying to you if I told you that I’ve never thought that. But Nic, seeing Chase and Reid after all this time ... if you were right, why would the way they treat me hurt so much? Why would it feel so raw? If I’m honest, every time I see them, I feel the same way I did when I first met them and I thought that they liked me. I know it’s fucking crazy because Reid doesn’t even notice my existence and Chase hates my guts, but—”

  Nic sighs and surrounds my shoulders with her arm in a sisterly hug.

  “Look, I’m not saying that you have to fuck a random guy. Or that it has to be Marc. It’s not a race and there’s no deadline to losing your virginity. But if it doesn’t happen, I want it to be because you truly didn’t find anyone you liked enough. Not because you’re into some idiots who think they’re hot shit and treat you like dirt or because of some mystery guy. And it’s not even about sex. If you said that you liked Marc but wanted to take things slow, I wouldn’t blame you. You’re right that you guys had a flirty correspondence but that he never really made a definitive move until last night. So there’s nothing wrong in taking your time. Just don’t close the door to something great if you have the chance, you know? With Marc or with anyone else. Just have a fling this summer, or ‘flings’. Have fun, kiss a few frogs. Don’t make any plans and go with the flow but for all that’s holy, just have some fun!Don’t close your heart, because you can’t tell me that what you’ve been doing has been making you happy, right?”